The Front Porch Go to Mickey Newbury Back Porch
Back Porch


Author:  Craig
E-mail:  not available
Date:  7/12/2005 3:54:15 PM
Subject:  Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait
Message:  Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but
cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny
and pleasant. "I have made some lands abundant in water and other
lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one
will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and
said "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's TEXAS -- the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The people
from TEXAS are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous
and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be
extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be
known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What
about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in AUSTIN."
Note: If you are not a resident of TEXAS or never have lived in the
hot, humid Southwest, you may not understand the weight of this
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two, the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl, in TEXAS , Lord, you've put
them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
HOLD IT.............there's more....................
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron! .
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end
up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and
add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk. Ah, what a place to call home.
God Bless Our State of TEXAS !!

 Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Craig at 7/12/2005 3:54:15 PM
 Re: Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Colorada at 7/12/2005 4:02:24 PM
 Re: Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Craig at 7/12/2005 5:43:22 PM
 Re: Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Alaska Shirley at 7/12/2005 4:13:54 PM
 Re: Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Craig at 7/12/2005 9:16:27 PM
 Re: Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Alaska Shirley at 7/12/2005 10:44:50 PM
 Re: Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Jackie at 7/13/2005 12:26:04 AM
 Re: Texas - also known as Alaska Shirley Bait by Susie g at 7/13/2005 3:59:39 AM